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Ephemera

by Venatrix

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1.
Ephemera 04:20
Oh can you feel it, the static, the rumbling, the magic? The weight of the whispers we pour into caskets? Or are you too distracted? Hands in touchscreen handcuffs we surf through The shit memes & worse news Cheap joys & despairs that we burn through Dying bit by bit, trying click by click to discern the truth We all have reasons to fight, dragons to kill, & no time To armor up & sharpen our knives, harden our hearts, ready our minds To do whatever it takes in this fucked up, evil, blood soaked game Are we just flies on the wall waiting for a fist to fall? Just ash & water animated by storms & fallen stars? Oh energy & entropy, we are nothing at all Or are we mathematics manifest, seeking static bliss? Language, loyalty, logic, beauty in the chaotic? There's a cold comfort in calculus We all have reasons to fight, dragons to kill, & no time To armor up & sharpen our knives, harden our hearts, ready our minds To do whatever it takes in this fucked up, evil, blood soaked game i have seen the axe left to rust in the rain (I have seen the locusts hunger for the blood of the grain) Ephemera, if not now, then when? (Will you die with your head in the sand or the wind?) We all have reasons to fight (& we're already dead) Harden our hearts, ready our minds To do whatever it takes in this fucked up, evil, blood soaked game.
2.
Dead Skin 03:56
I stare at the walls, empty & blank, i disassociate Paralyzed & transfixed I drift from scene to scene Can't believe the audacity of me I could die staring at walls, lost in math & memory Blood & regret & distorted daydreams Fuck that, paid for my crimes Now it's time to shed this dead skin I'm only getting older, i slow down But time speeds up I've got so much more to give It's been time to take control (Get out you bleeding shadow) Call it karma, call it death collecting interest On the things you can't forget Or can't let go of just yet You must rise above this disease (I need a new set of armor) (Now it's time to shed this dead skin) You've got to rise above this disease (I need a new set of armor) (Now it's time to shed this dead skin).
3.
What a feeling it was Windows open, breeze blowing in No fear, no vice, just work & hope Was i free or was i dreaming? Are eyes so bright always so damn fleeting? How long does the trail stretch on? I've broken all my joints & bones Got dirt in my soul, my boots have some miles Skin scorched by sun & florescent floods No time to fret for the things i have done Just burn the midnight oil The walls are closing in again Whatever it takes, edit, erase (This is my code) Speak the truth or not at all (This is my code) & the truth is that i'm dying bit by bit By living my truth, but it's okay (This is my code) I can play the game (This is my code) I am to blame Just tie me to the post & light the match (Light the match) Light the match (Light the match) I did it once (Did it once) Did it again (Did it again) Against the best of intentions (Motherfucker) Color me chaotic, color me fucking done I am a bleeding machine on the run.
4.
Boots 02:17
Sleepless, vigilant, hungry, hunted Digging in the dumpster for my daily bread I've got my boots & my axe & a heart full of glass Shredded flesh i heal with the magic of the damned This is attrition, but i've got my plans No regrets, no steps backwards No regrets, no steps backwards No regrets, no steps backwards No regrets, no steps backwards Reject your fear Collect your spirit Get up & face death Victory is close So much closer than it seems to be.
5.
Melee 02:45
We were told: You are the sum of your parts & some chemical hope As though the self's in the skin, & the heart's in some hormones We were deceived: You are just the product of genetics & environment! Have you seen the sin in your irises? Who are the voices in your bloodstream? We were fired: To stoke the fear of the new hire The difference between hope & despair Half empty, half full, zero, null, all is fair Nihilistic, near miss, none the wiser We were beaten bloody raw The quotient of choice & the fists of the law Hands in touchscreen handcuffs, bloody backs against the wall I was speaking language learned in borrowed voices Wearing costumes for choreographed avoidance Safety in secrecy I am the ghost in your machinery Still silent, still lost, stagnant, but still breathing Breathing. breathing. breathing. breathing. Well, i haven't been myself in quite some time Drowning in the social calculus of common courtesy Ey, who's the gal behind the game? Yeah, who's the skirt behind the script? Who's the dumb motherfucker who thought they were human? Relative content, hollow dialect I haven't been myself in quite some time.
6.
K.Y.F.S.T. 04:08
I've been packing bags just in case Packing bandages, rations, & mace Ready to disappear at any time We could quietly drive up north, park down by the lake shore Grab a boat & sail by night If you're spiraling out again, don't forget to breathe You were born for this dance Close your eyes & hold yourself Feel earth under your feet (Smile) There's so much left in your hands I'm so scared that it's too late, we built this home in a failed state Will we be defenders or refugees? Paranoid & panicked i guess, i dress for war & hope for the best But i've lived in the gutter before, i'm not afraid to go back down there If you're spiraling out again, don't forget to breathe You were born for this dance Close your eyes & hold yourself Feel earth under your feet (Smile) There's so much left in your hands Crazy times to live in, i feel sick from my own existence (Light the match) A mask can't keep this madness from infecting me I've come so far, so weak, so small In four, out four, ready for more (Light the match) (There's so much left in your hands) (K.Y.F.S.T.) You are useless without clarity, don't forget to breathe You were born for this dance Close your eyes & hold yourself Feel earth under your feet (Smile) There's so much left in your hands.
7.
You can believe what you want What you need to get you through the night You can believe in yourself, in a lie of invincibility But long is the road, & the night, & this vicious cycle Dying again and again, it ends when you let it end I've been cold, yeah, i have been desperate I've lived with some secrets that left me sleepless Truth does not forgive or forget I am so sorry for the things i've had to learn to be to live alone It's easy to get lost in gutters full of doubt & drown Not sure how i got out Does it matter now? there's too much left for me to do I can't dwell on the past when i have magic I have wept & bled & been filled with regret (I have wept & bled & been filled with regret For the life i have lived & the things i have said) What else to expect from a misanthropic mess (I am so fucking bad with people) My code comes from karma & kaleidoscopic quests (Ha my code! My code?! My code is bullshit!) But i have grown, i found a home (Bout time motherfucker) Some day, when i am dead Maybe they'll lay me in a boat & light a match Light the match (Let us burn) Light the match (Let us burn) I've been cold, yeah, i have been desperate I've lived with some secrets that left me sleepless Truth does not forgive or forget I am not sorry for the bridges that must burn.
8.
Solitude 04:21
Gotta let go, gotta get out Gotta get my shit together, i could do so much better Gotta reset, gotta remind myself: You were happy before the party I was so distracted, i was so damn bored I forgot the seasons pass as though none of us were ever born (But you are not a cat in a box) You owe their eyes & ears nothing I keep my distance, my distance keeps me alive Gotta stop breathing the air that isn't worth breathing Shut my mouth, still my hands, silently exit the room (Gotta stop thinking about the ears behind the curtain) The eyes behind the door Existential noise Forgot the place, forgot the time, forgot the name, forgot the rhyme For the reason language failed, logic failed, loyalty failed (But you are not a cat in a box) You owe their eyes & ears nothing I keep my distance, my distance keeps me alive I am not a hermit or a mystic Not a recluse or a cynic If i did not want to be alone I would not be alone, you know? I ain't ever needed much, so fuck this fear & fuck my luck Call it dharma, call it debt I've heard it called equivalent exchange Strange to age but what? Is it worse to get old or not know love from hurt? To not know need from want From shit those bastards shoved down our throats? To not know how to stop the bleeding Get back to the concrete for another beating To not know friend from foe I know the world is a brutal place But don't you dare forget: We find ourselves in pieces Chemistry unraveling like clouds covering the stars Just vibrations trying to feel alive…
9.
Petrichor 03:14
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VX03: Ephemera
- 9 track album
- 9 track instrumental version

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released March 15, 2022

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Venatrix Milwaukee, Wisconsin

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